Valentine, Schmalentine

So, today is Valentine's Day, and I am single. You probably are in a couple, but as the kids would say, "Hey, I ain't mad atchya." I've had plenty of Valentine's Days as part of a couple, and even more as a single broad. And frankly, I haven't noticed that much of a difference. Now, one could blame the men—or me for choosing men—who just didn't make as much of the day as I deserved. But I never really made a big deal out of it either. After 29 years of being single on this particular Hallmark holiday, I spent nine years where I DID have a significant other, and I must say it was a bit anti-climatic. That's because it's the build-up that gets you. It's all the commercials, and romantic comedies, and cardboard Cupids hanging around that get you to feeling like everyone is doing something brilliant and spectacular and sexy that night while you'll be home doing something, well...NOT. And that goes for most of us, doesn't it? Unless you're in the first few months or years of a relationship, Valentine's Day may pass with little fanfare, whether you're alone or coupled up.

Married, single, divorced, shacked up, broken up, dating, waiting...whatever your romantic situation, your true loves stay the same. And so, in an effort to make this day a more universally appreciable day, I say we make it about love in ALL its forms. And in an effort to employ the poetry writing skills I honed in elementary school (clearly I plateaued after third grade), here's one of those poemy things you usually write for mother's and father's days where you write a word down the left side and then try to find words and phrases that start with each letter—a truly organic and fluid writing experience, to be sure.

Things I Love Whether It's February 14th or Not

Very fattening foods
Anything chocolate
Listening to my puppy snore
Eating Ben & Jerry's out of the carton
Newport Beach, California
Trashy reality TV
Interesting conversation and witty banter
Needing a hug and getting it
Entering a raffle and winning
Sleeping in on a rainy Sunday
Discovering money I thought I'd lost
A great kissing session
You, whoever you are, for reading my blog

But seriously, folks, today is a day when I think it would be nice to think about all those we love and have loved. Today is a nice day to send a note to a parent, sibling, or friend you keep thinking of but never get around to calling. Today is a nice day to think about those who have broken your heart and be thankful for the lessons they taught you. Today is a nice day to think about those whose hearts you have broken and be thankful for the good times you shared. Today is a nice day to forgive someone you love, whether they've apologized or not. Today is a nice day to love and be loved, even if all you can do is send it out silently into the universe and hope it gets to the people who need it most.

Oh yeah. And if you just don't have it in you to do any of those things, today is also a nice day to love yourself. Ben & Jerry's Chubby Hubby comes to mind.


Why It's Okay to Look: The Illiterate Sports Fan

I've lived in the Boston area for just over a decade now, and the number of men I have met who could be serious contenders for a relationship has not exceeded the number of fingers I have, excluding thumbs. It's getting to the point where I am thinking that maybe New England is not the place for a native southern California girl to find...well, love OR lust. It's time to start documenting my search for the "L" words (both of them) for the giggles and groans of not only my readers, but for posterity as well.

The picture above is real. Not doctored. Not Photoshopped. Not created by me for a laugh. Real. Real disturbing. Being a fan is one thing, and being a fanatical fan is pretty work-a-day around these parts. Trust me: this guy's friends probably think this tat is wicked cool. And they should know, because they (his friends Sully, Neil, and O'Douls) are the bosses of what is wicked cool because they are wicked smaht. They'll admit they're not Roads Scholars, but they didn't even know about scholarships for roads or they would've applied. Anyway, this dude is smart, too, and if you don't believe it, just check out his ad (copied and pasted without revision, I swear):

Hey ladies listen I am a loyal Guy trustworthy sweet Italian I have an edge tho LOL I'm not desperate just trying to change the scene I like live. Musick the Boston night live funny! Movies I'm not into drama or b.s so if u want to know more shoot me an email with pics I have pics to trade I just gave u a taste I'm 5.9 and 200 lbs green eyes well hmu if u Wana know more I don't open spam email s so title the email not spam hope to hear from u all

The number of things to make fun of here is so numerous that I think you'll have more fun finding them on your own than having me point them out one by one.

Thank you, "30 attractive italian northshore." Thank you for making the terrible student essays I grade seem suddenly unterrible. Thank you for helping me believe my mom who tells me that I'm just too cute and smart for the guys out there. Thank you for making me listen to my friends who always say that it's not me, it's you--the men, er, boys--and that I really AM attractive and funny and smart and that the supply of quality guys around here just can't keep up with the demand. I always think they are just being nice and that if I believe them it will be a surrender to the single girl Kool-Aid. Well, I surrender. Pour me another glass.